The Invisible Station

I’m making an apology on behalf of “The Bulletin”. If you had gone along to the ferry terminal in Puerto Alcúdia on Sunday and had expected to find some free watersports activities which you could have enjoyed, you would have been disappointed.

I showed a short news item (from Thursday’s paper) to someone in Alcúdia who, how can I put this, is in the know. The jaw dropped, followed by an expression of understanding as to how the mistake had been made. I understood it as well, as it’s a mistake many people are making.

What happened on Sunday was that there were indeed free watersports activities, but they were nothing to do with the terminal or the commercial port. They were part of a promotion, in the form of a “fiesta”, for the estación náutica. And it is this which caused the mistake and causes other mistakes to be made.

The estación náutica doesn’t exist. It is not bricks, mortar, aluminium, glass or any material. It is a “station” without physical manifestation. It is an un-thing. But the concept, and that is all it is – a concept, begs an interpretation of the physical. Of course it does. A station is a thing not an abstraction; hence a not unreasonable confusion with the terminal.

Since the estación naútica concept was first raised in Alcúdia – at the start of 2009 – I have written about it on a few occasions, and I keep making the same point; it is not understandable. The concept is elusive, it doesn’t translate into anything sensible in English (even watersports centre doesn’t work because this can also imply something physical), and it doesn’t even mean much to the Spanish; they also expect to find an actual centre.

This is not Alcúdia’s fault as such. There are other such stations in Spain and in the Balearics. But the confusion that has existed in Alcúdia with regard to the concept makes you wonder if it hasn’t occurred elsewhere. It must have done, and the same mistakes and misinterpretations are surely being made there.

In Alcúdia, however, to make matters less clear, there is a website for this station. It doesn’t work. For a time at the weekend it didn’t even load. Yet, there it was, proudly mentioned on the publicity, assuming it was seen. There was another website, for the “Fiesta del Mar” which is what occurred on Sunday and which was one of a series arranged by the estación náutica people in their different resorts, but it was in Spanish only. At least it worked though.

As part of this fiesta, there was also an evening event. The “orange fiesta”. Nice poster, shame about the language. Catalan only. I had an exchange on Facebook about this. Catalan is an official language and the fiesta was directed at locals. Well yes, up to a point, but Puerto Alcúdia is a tourist resort and why was the tourist office emailing the poster to those, such as myself, who have a stake in the local tourism industry? Moreover, the estación náutica concept is meant to be a way of attracting more tourists, of the so-called quality type.

But Catalan-only material appears all the time. In all sorts of resorts. The estación náutica concept, the publicity in Catalan are different types of example that raise the same question: what thought process lies behind any of this? Is there one?

I had a chat with a tourist about this. Is it stubbornness that results in the Catalan-only publicity? I don’t know that it is. It’s more likely a case that no one stops to really think who they are meant to be marketing to and what they are marketing. But who makes these decisions?

Alcúdia is a tourist resort with a highly diverse market. It would be impractical to put out material in all the languages necessary. But at a minimum it should be in English and German; more so than even Spanish, where tourists are concerned, as the level of Spanish tourism in Alcúdia is well below that of either the UK or Germany.

The counter argument is that Catalan (and Spanish) are the local languages and so this is how it should be. Sorry, but it isn’t much of an argument. Not if the market doesn’t understand either language.

Poor marketing occurs because the starting-point is the wrong way round. It should be the consumer, the intended market or markets, and it is this fundamental thought process that seems to be lacking.

I don’t know that there should be an apology for the mistake in “The Bulletin”. The apology should be coming from somewhere else. The trouble is you don’t where that somewhere else is.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

And After All, You’re My Wonder …

So I pass by the tourist office in Alcúdia old town as they’ve called and want a favour. This is the deal: they’re going to produce some postcards in association with the Oceanos folk in Bonaire. Some excellent photos of sea creatures, which they show me – the photos that is. They need an English slogan. “Paraiso,” they keep mentioning (as in paradise). “No, no, forget all this paradise malarkey,” I don’t say, but do say something along the lines of the paradise motif is done to death. So I think and come up with “Alcúdia – an underwater wonderland”. Trips off the tongue, it has a melody and a sort of alliteration. Quite good, I reckon. It’s only afterwards I realise its similarity to “walking in a winter wonderland”. Oh well, not to worry; still sounds ok. Anyway, as I was leaving the office, I said that I would pass by with my invoice. Thousand euros should cover it. Laughter all round. Ho, ho, ho. Like Santa guffawing in a winter or indeed an underwater wonderland. But why not, thinks I. Plenty. Apart from the fact that the town halls are notoriously bad payers, there is the fact that payments (were they to be made or indeed invoices submitted) have to meet some sort of “market value” test. What is market value though?

 

You, if you happen to be the creative director of a major ad agency, could probably slap in a five-figure bill for such a slogan. Especially in the UK. But we’re talking a local town hall here. And in Mallorca. And something unimportant. This market value test, though, is becoming important. It is all part of trying to stamp out spurious invoices for often huge amounts that are raised without any work necessarily being done. The latest great scandal in Mallorca concerns the Palma velodrome. All manner of people have been implicated, and all manner of unjustified invoices seem to have surfaced together with payments of black money. Fair enough. It’s the public purse that may or may not have been cleaned out. But let us assume for a moment that work has been done, and done well. Who is to say what the market value is? This is where this test becomes nigh on impossible to prove, unless there is some form of governmental going rate, as there is for many jobs. While the government may feel that it can establish rates for jobs such as waiters, how can it do so for something creative? I guess they can try, but ultimately a market value is, to state the bleeding obvious, a value that the market decides, in other words pretty much what anyone is willing to pay. Unless, that is, the market is controlled, which is what the authorities seem to have in mind. 

 

This makes no sense in what is ostensibly a free market. There are ways and means of catching those who abuse public (and also private) funds by raising outlandish bills, as the velodrome case (and others) prove. But a controlled market value distorts the workings of the market. As with the daft calls for price controls for the likes of a cup of coffee, it really has no place in a modern economy. Not that I should worry, as there will be no invoice and no payment. Favours, always favours.

 

 

Oasis

Apropos yesterday, I need to thank Lynne for pointing out that Oasis played in Mallorca a few years back. Was it part of a Radio 1 comes to Mallorca thing? Or am I mixing these up? Doesn’t matter. The Gallaghers did indeed once put in an appearance, not that they are likely to again; certainly not together. And it was the real Oasis and not the bunch which has the same name that pitches up on a regular basis at local fiestas.

 

 

Temperature watch

And so the heat goes on. The met boys say that the three months of June, July and August have been the second hottest since 1971, temperatures exceeded only by those of 2003. The average temperature for Sa Pobla for these months has been 25.4 (it was 27 in 2003). Sounds a bit on the low side to be honest, but that second spot is totally believable.