The Throwback: Why all-inclusives might have a point

In Playa de Muro there are 32 hotels. Depending on your definition, there are roughly the same number of restaurants. One restaurant per hotel. You might think that this was a pretty decent equation when it comes to there being adequate business for restaurant owners. Not so, when you take into account the impact of all-inclusive offers.

One restaurant owner was talking about a protest against all-inclusives. It’s a familiar theme, is it not? There was similar talk along Puerto Alcúdia’s Mile earlier in the season. But there is a difference in Playa de Muro, isn’t there? It’s a different market.

Playa de Muro does not have the same sort of vast all-inclusive ghettoes that Puerto Alcúdia has, but all-inclusive it most certainly does have. A trawl through some websites of hotels in the resort confirms this. From the more economy Continental and Lagotel to the more exclusive Vivas and Iberostars, you will find that all-inclusive is available. Playa de Muro may be a different market in that it is generally up-market, but what’s up-market when it’s still subject to the same market conditions created by all-inclusives. That restaurant owner was scathing not only about the existence of so much AI, he was also critical of what he saw as an undermining of the apparent “quality” in at least one of the more up-market hotels. Plastic glasses. Re-used. Or so he says.

Playa de Muro is a curious resort. It is a complete invention of the tourism boom. There was no Playa de Muro until the late 60s and early 70s. The development around Las Gaviotas and the Esperanza hotel started it all off, and then along came a handful of restaurants and ultimately the coastal colonisation as far as Alcúdia Pins. The resort has nothing of the past of a Puerto Alcúdia or Puerto Pollensa, or even Can Picafort: it just emerged.

But as with other resorts, those who started businesses there enjoyed some good times, some very good times indeed, buoyed also by the residential tourism of Mallorcan-owned second homes and foreign-owned holiday homes, of which there are a not insignificant number. However, Playa de Muro and its businesses, save for the hotels, is a victim of that old success. Many places have simply never moved with the times. And now that times are not so good, it’s hard to justify the sort of investment that might be said to be required to make places seem less, well, old-fashioned.

In the resort there are two five-star hotels. I was once told by someone at a car-hire firm that it, the car-hire agency, does good business with those from the five stars who head off in the search of restaurants, Pollensa perhaps; but not in Playa de Muro. I can recall forum comments from guests at four-star Iberostars preferring to stay in the hotel and eat because they weren’t much taken by the restaurants nearby. There is nothing wrong with the restaurants nearby, quite the contrary, but many look what they are – throwbacks. For a market that has grown more sophisticated, even one that goes AI, there is an image crisis in Playa de Muro. And to this one can add the fact that there is so little differentiation. Where, for example, can one eat Mallorcan cuisine? Mar Petita, yes. Meson los Patos, yes. But the latter isn’t actually in Playa de Muro. Otherwise, it’s a mix of burgers, steaks, grills and the odd touch of the Orient.

The counter-arguments that the hoteliers make when faced with complaints about the impact of all-inclusive include one that businesses should make a greater effort to improve or change their products. It’s not always easy, and in certain instances, e.g. along the Mile in Puerto Alcúdia, it’s especially difficult because of the nature of the market. But despite the all-inclusive, Playa de Muro is an example of somewhere, because it does benefit from a more exclusive market, where greater attention to product, to image, to marketing would probably go a long way.

There won’t be a protest because there would be a lack of will to effect one, and it would be of no value in any event. One can sympathise, and I do, because I know a number of these business owners, but try telling them that a change might benefit them and they’ll pooh-pooh the idea. Fair enough; they know better than I what their business is. I don’t run a restaurant. But I do hear and read a lot of comments, and I can observe for myself, as others observe and choose to stay in their 32 hotels.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

Suck It And See: The golf course in Muro

Never think that matters in Mallorca draw to a simple conclusion. If you are inclined to think this, then consider the matter of the Muro golf course. Yes, the arguments are of course still going on. What appeared as though it might have been a conclusion, when a bird protection order was made to cover the site of the course, is nothing of the sort, and now the Balearic parliament, thanks to block voting by the centre-right parties (Partido Popular and Unió Mallorquina), has effectively given the development the green light again, the right arguing that the course is in the interest of the island. The left say it is all about private interests, while the enviro lobby group GOB reckons the decision will bring “shame” to the people of Mallorca. The protection order might still hold sway, but if so it will, in all likelihood, need the matter to be booted upstairs, all the way to Brussels. Some 14 years after the project was first talked about, a definitive agreement and indeed conclusion is still to be made.

Something interesting has been happening with the press coverage of the golf development. There have recently been two interviews with the head of the Grupotel hotel chain, one of the main shareholders in the golf course, as well as one with the director of the development company. This has been interesting as the coverage suggests a shift away from what has seemed like press favouritism towards the environmental case. Or perhaps it is just a case of greater balance being applied. The arguments set out by Grupotel and its fellow hotel groups are well known: the course will help to reduce tourism seasonality and to add dynamism to tourism in the area; the development has received favourable environmental reports, and potentially harmful environmental issues have been addressed.

Despite the endless environmental points raised by GOB and the left, the environment is not, for many, the most important issue. What is, is whether the damn course is necessary or can be justified in terms of “adding dynamism”. The pronouncements in the interviews have been vague, as has always been the case where the real value of the course is concerned. The PR problem for the developers is two-fold: the environment and a persuasive business argument. They have singularly failed to be persuasive. No assessment is ever made, at least publicly, as to how many additional tourists the course will generate or as to how much value it will bring to the local economy, except in creating a small number of jobs.

There is an inherent lack of logic to the business case. Firstly, the developers cannot count on a return from the sale of real estate, which is often a core feature of golf developments; there will be no residential construction. Secondly, while making his case for the course, the director of the company pointed out that the Muro course will have advantages over other local courses – unlike Pollensa, it will have eighteen holes, and unlike Alcanada, it will not be a luxury course. However, though this hints at a course for everyone, is a “luxury” aspect not part of a course’s attraction, especially to hotel groups with four- and five-star hotels in their portfolio? Moreover, whatever might be designed in Muro can surely not benefit from the landscapes of Pollensa and Alcanada or the demanding links-style nature of the latter course. Thirdly, there are several hotel groups represented in Playa de Muro which are involved in the development. How can they all benefit, especially as there is seemingly an unknown, and a very important one – the number of tourists?

The course would add to the intangibility of the “quality” of Playa de Muro as a resort. This shouldn’t be underestimated, but it is – once again – a somewhat vague concept, just as the real benefits of the course remain vague. Rather like the so-called “active well-being” branding of the area that is now to be initiated seems like an exercise in sucking it and seeing, with no hard numbers being given and any number of hotels which would be most unlikely to gain any benefit, so it is with the golf course. In business terms, the Muro course has all the feel of being product-led. Here’s a course, now here come the tourists. It doesn’t work like that.

As ever though, the business case for the course might still be redundant if GOB and the left were to finally have their way, and given the tortuous nature of the arguments and challenges over the years, one really shouldn’t rule that out.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

Protect The Birds: End of the line for the golf course?

Have we come to the end of the Muro golf course saga? Almost certainly not, but the latest development is intended to put an end to it, once and for all. Or so it would seem.

The Balearic Government has approved the widening of a zone of special protection for birds, currently applied to the Albufera nature park, which will take in the Son Bosc finca where the golf development is planned. There is still a suggestion that this is not definitive, though it’s hard to see how it isn’t. From the reports, the word “inviable” stands out. Swap an “in” for an “un” and you have the English.

Ever since the change at governmental level which saw the environment ministry pass to the Mallorcan socialists, putting a stop to the golf course has been high on the agenda. A previous order seems not to have done the trick. Now comes the protection of birds one.

One can, with a degree of certainty, predict that those in favour of the course – the developers (i.e. Muro hoteliers) and the town hall – won’t take this lying down. It could well end up in the courts.

There is nothing in the least bit wrong with the extension of this protection, but the move smacks of finding anything behind which can be hidden what is surely the real impulse – that of politics. Why is this extension being sought now? The politics of, essentially, right versus left are so transparent as to be laughable. But if this is to be the end, then for God’s sake let it be the end. It won’t be.

Elsewhere in Muro, down on the playa, two vivid lime-green t-shirts loomed amongst the sunbathers the other day. They were being worn by two chaps who tramped across the sand up to where there are chalets by the beach, one of which has been abandoned for some years (a photo of which is on the HOT! Facebook page). One chap stayed in front of the abandoned building, just looking at it, while the other walked on a bit, looked at the other chalets, walked back, took his mobile from his pocket and gestured to his companion. They walked away. On the back of their t-shirts were the words “Demarcación de costas”.

What did it all mean? Maybe nothing, but the Costas have had their eye on Playa de Muro for a while and on buildings that may or may not have the right to be where they are.

Finally. Greatly removed, but the Moat thing has been given only little prominence by the Spanish media. Compare this with the coverage by the UK media. Rather extraordinary, rather like unfolding events during wars, listening – at a distance – to Five Live as the man on the riverside holds his gun and is surrounded by police. How extraordinary the analysis of when nothing much happens, the analysis of the situation and of the man himself. And how extraordinary that Gazza turned up. Which brings us back to the World Cup. Sunday will be mental. Like Gazza.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

The Beach Is The Only Place To Be

There are probably those who live away from Mallorca who think enviously of those who do live on the island and of their heading off to the beach on a daily basis. It is a rather false impression.

While there are those who do make the beach a daily ritual, and those for whom the whole day at the beach is the ritual, there are plenty for whom the beach is a rare event and some for whom it is an alien place. And not just those who live away from the coast.

When some first come to Mallorca, as in a permanent way and even if they are meant to be working or running a business, it can be easy to fall into the trap of feeling that life is just one long holiday. Legion are stories of those whose business went belly-up because they were toasting their bellies on the beach while packing away a cold Saint Mick or several – day after day. Life may be a beach in Mallorca, but it is also a bitch, if the beach becomes all-consuming.

Look around in some bars, restaurants and other establishments, and you may well see some pasty faces. How can this be, you might think. All that sun, and little by way of a suntan. The other day, the delightful Swedish girl at the Laberinto maze said that I didn’t have much of a tan. “I haven’t been to the beach yet this year,” I replied. It’s not as if it’s far away. More or less just around the corner.

Well, I did go – yesterday. For about an hour. Old blogotees among you might recall my reminiscing about a previous career as a beach bum and about beach life as it once was. You can never take the beach out of the boy, but is the man who is tired of the beach, tired of life? No. Just gets restless. And it’s not holiday, after all.

Perhaps that’s it. Go to the beach, and there are loads of people on holiday. And you’re not. It seems like a bit of a fraud, something to be a bit guilty of. There again, the beach, as the heat really kicks in, as it now is, is the only place to be in the afternoons – for a while at any rate. But as a place to get some freshness. The beach becomes functional as opposed to romantic; it’s like having an air-conditioned room that you can take yourself off to when the atmosphere, only some metres inland, becomes stifling.  

Perhaps also it’s the case that familiarity breeds familiarity. The same old beach. I need to re-connect with the beach, re-discover the beach, which may well mean not going to the same beach. Yesterday was quite alarming. I recognised some who are there every year, some who I know. A German family, for example. It’s quite disconcerting to note the way that the children have grown. But they’re still the same, as they were last year, two years ago, the year before that.

That is almost certainly it. So many beaches and so little time to go to them. But like all the other attractions of Mallorca, the natural ones, that is, the tendency is to just slip into the familiar and the easy. And there is another impulse to break the familiarity trap. Not going to the beach is as much of a crime as going to it every day, all day. In my book, anyway. I had this awful feeling a couple of days ago. Summer’s been here for some time, and I’d not been to the beach. I got that line from the Style Council – “the long hot summer’s just passing me by”. That would never do. I’d thought so much about it, that I dreamt about it. October was here and the beach had gone.

No, you don’t spend your days on the beach, but to not go to the beach … Why be here?

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

The Great Steak Wars: Really real in Playa de Muro

“Real steak.” Not real as in a Spanish football club, but real as in “real” – genuine, authentic, English. When is real steak unreal, do you suppose? When it’s not steak probably. The “real” moniker makes something of a change to those alternatives, especially authentic. Authentic (typical) Mallorcan cuisine, authentic Indian cuisine, authentic, authentic. I wish a restaurant would promote itself as being unauthentic. I might go then.

There is a real steak war emerging. A real steak war as in both the steak being real and there really being a steak war as opposed to a pretend one; well, sort of. The real steak war is also being fought out over real historical claims. Since 19–, apply your own numbers. The steak war is in Las Gaviotas, the area of Playa de Muro that no one really calls Las Gaviotas, if they happen to be a tourist, as equally no tourist really calls it Playa de Muro because they think, or are told, that it is Alcúdia, which it isn’t.

The restaurant S’Albufera has a chalkboard sign outside, declaring the reality of its steak and the years of really having been a steak house. 30 years, it would seem. Why has the restaurant made this move? It is, it would appear, an escalation of the war against a newcomer to the steak battlefield. Where would we be without them? The Dakota restaurants.

Almost next door to S’Albufera and its thirty years of steaking claims is a new Dakota, but not only a tex-mex Dakota. This is a steak house Dakota. A large sign says so. Steak House in big letters with some steak, some flames and a grill just to make sure everyone gets the message. Everywhere a steak house and everywhere a picture of some flaming grill. Flaming on fire and not flaming as a euphemism for “damn”. The flames of the damned though, as the great steak war hots up.

Steak houses have taken over. They are the new, well, tex-mex, except they’re not new, just that everyone seems to want to be a steak house and everyone is promoting steak credentials. It had never really occurred to me that S’Albufera was a real steak house, as it’s always been plain S’Albufera. But when the war is joined, so some realism is chalked onto a blackboard. And when it comes to the Dakotas, the longevity is, how can one put it, rather open to interpretation. Unlike S’Albufera which had also not previously boasted about its generation-plus existence. Or maybe it had; just that no one had noticed.

Do people really want all this steak? Real or not. Maybe they do. There are steak houses, kids newly on blocks, that are doing a roaring and flaming steak trade, albeit mingled in with kebabs and whatever else fills out the menu. Steak house, like pizzeria, has become something of a catch-all. Restaurant We Do Everything. And it’s real.

We should really have a competition. Where is the most real steak? Which is the most real steak house? I can’t honestly help as I rarely eat steak – rare or well done. A friend once said that Los Tamarindos in Puerto Alcúdia did the best steak he had ever eaten. I confess it wasn’t bad. The solomillo at Satyricon in Alcúdia was magnificent, but that’s hardly somewhere you might classify as a steak house. Boy in Playa de Muro’s steak and meat come in the size of a cow, deliciously marinaded, but it calls itself a grill, as does Los Tamarindos. No steak house for either of these places, but they are, just as much as those which say they are real steak houses or steak houses with no statement as to being real or otherwise.

You cannot avoid steak. Whole herds of beef cow cut, sliced, flavoured, spitting, roasting, grilling. And all of it real. Unless it happens not to be.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

All Being Well: Bienestar Activo on the bay of Alcúdia

The central and regional governments and the three combined municipalities of Alcúdia, Muro and Santa Margalida are due to chip in a third each of a 4.5 million euro budget over four years that will go towards making the northern tourism zone of Mallorca one of “bienestar activo” (active well-being). It is an “ambitious plan”, says Alcúdia’s mayor Llompart. Ambitious possibly, but what on earth is it?

This is a strategic plan conjured up by the three town halls and the local hotel associations to add some dynamism to tourism, especially that in the off-season. The budget is to be spent on planning, organisation and management; on resources and tourist services; on improving competitiveness and on marketing. Good. Still not clear what it is though.

The answer lies with trekking, Nordic walking and cycling. Stifle a yawn in the back row there. Not exactly anything new. Cycling we know all about; Alcúdia and Can Picafort have had their own Nordic walking “routes” for some while; trekking is an old past-time. To these can be added canoeing, which is meant to be taking place on the Lago Esperanza.

The hotel associations on the bay of Alcúdia have been keen to promote the sporting nature of the area and did so recently when the tourism minister was in town. But one had the impression that they were implying something rather more dynamic. Do existing tourist “attractions” fall into this category? It’s hard to get excited.

There is, unfortunately, something rather lame about the spin behind this, for instance that devoted to the benefits to businesses other than hotels. Cyclists will go to bars or restaurants or have a massage, it is said. Well, yes, some will go to bars and restaurants;  as they already do. Not that everyone locally would say that cyclists bring in much by way of income to bars (a sometimes false impression, it should be said). As for the odd massage, well that should really get the local economy buzzing.

The “bienestar activo” initiative may well be worthy, even if it is a repackaging of what already exists. But we have been here before with initiatives. Muro town hall made much of a revamping of its “promotion”. Has it had much of an impact? Then there was that “estación naútica” concept that was meant to brand Alcúdia as a quality watersports centre. Never heard anything more about that.

Diversifying the tourism offer is laudable, but this is not new diversification. Relying on the natural environment or current infrastructure, which trekking, cycling, Nordic walking and canoeing all do, means that it is possible to try and make more out of very little investment. Seems fair enough. But maybe this is the problem. It is cheap to promote what is already there, even at 4.5 million, and is therefore easy to avoid attempting something rather more dramatic. What seems to be missing, in the reports at any rate, is any indication as to how many more tourists this will all bring in; how many more hotels might actually be open in the off-season.

And there is something else that seems to be missing. Among all this sporting “diversification” there is no mention of one particular sport. Golf. Why not? Maybe it’s not considered to be part of well-being.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

The Old Curiosity Tower: The towers of Alcúdia Bay

The towers of Alcúdia Bay, those which stretch from Playa de Muro to Colonia Sant Pere, are undergoing a process of restoration, courtesy of the regional government’s environment ministry. Though the towers are said to have “limited heritage value”, the ministry believes that they are “curious constructions”; it is their curiosity that demands their being maintained. One can argue, and I would, that their heritage value is rather greater than the government says; they are notable, weird landmarks that don’t exist anywhere else on the island. The very brooding nature of these obelisks, standing as pairs amidst the dunes, lends them a mystery. The curious thing about these curiosities is quite why so little is known about them.

By the dunes along the coastline of the bay, there are signs which explain aspects of the natural environment, but none which give any information about the most obvious sights in the dunes. The failure to impart information is a failure in terms of not only overlooking what is under the tourist’s nose but also what might (and does) inspire the tourist’s curiosity – the curious.

In HOT!, the tourism newspaper that is out and about in the area, there is a short feature about the towers, as there is also a feature about the roundabout sculptures. The towers and the sculptures are not what is normally spoken about in the tourism literature, yet they inspire visitor (and resident) questions, for which there are few answers. It is for this reason that I sought to give some answers. Someone should.

The towers, and anyone who has read HOT! will now know, were built primarily as target practice for dummy torpedoes being fired from submarines that used to be based in Alcúdia. But very few people locally know this to be the case. That they were also navigational aids is true, but this was not why they were built. They were definitely not anything to do with the Civil War, but the other day, when I was showing a copy of HOT! to a lady who runs businesses based out of Can Picafort (and who is Mallorcan), she said something to the effect that they were to do with the war. Even locals who have lived their lives by the towers don’t know the real story.

Perhaps it all has to do with that feeling that the towers are of limited heritage value that so little appreciation exists as to their real purpose. But it astounds me just how little is made of the curious, the needing-to-be-explained, like the sculptures, like also the kiwi-fruit-shaped balls that accumulate on the beaches. I only found out what they were thanks to Klaus’s Photo Blog (they are formed from sea grass).

The towers might be said to be part of a “hidden” Mallorca. Hidden in the sense that information is hidden. But they are staring everyone in the face. They are hardly hidden. And there are numerous other examples, including the curiosity of some villages. It’s another book coming on – the curios of Mallorca. I look forward to its being written, and maybe I will.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

True And Fair? The number of all-inclusives

A restaurant owner in Playa de Muro said to me the other day that he had read that 65% of hotels in Mallorca were now all-inclusive. Give it another three years, and that number will be 100%, so he reckoned.

Always believe what you read. What can you believe? If the trend towards all-inclusives was this strong, it would already have been clear two years or so ago. This particular restaurant opened two years ago, some time into the season, following months of expensive work on converting one premises and re-modelling another. Why do it if the trend was already observable and if it was likely to be as great as it is now being claimed? Why do it, if all you do is moan about what the hotels are up to?

I am afraid you do have to wonder as to some business decisions, given the changes in market conditions. You do also have to wonder as to what people are prepared to believe and as to what they should make of the figures which get bandied around by various bodies. Take a piece from yesterday’s “Ultima Hora”. Reporting statistics from the tourism ministry, this says that the total number of hotels in Mallorca which offer all-inclusive only – the “exclusive” all-inclusive – is 48, representing a mere 3% of the total number of establishments. The figure is highly misleading, as it takes no account of size of hotel. More relevant is the total number of places in these 48 hotels – a bit under 23,000. Which sounds a lot, and may indeed be a lot, but there is no figure given as to the total number of places in all hotels.

Even allowing for this 3% to be correct, there is another confusion, and this has to do with the so-called “partial” all-inclusive, i.e. hotels which offer all-inclusive as an option in addition to other forms of accommodation. The hotel federation in Mallorca says that 165 establishments have this offer. Not that this gets us very far.

We are regularly subjected to these statistics, but never do we get a true and fair picture. You do have to wonder if “they” would rather “we” didn’t get it. Or perhaps an accurate picture is not available. Can the ministry or the federation be sure about all those “upgrades” that take place when a holidaymaker is checking in at reception?

But it is only when and if a complete list of hotels and the precise number of all-inclusive places is published, and by resort, that we will ever really understand the extent of all-inclusive. And it is this which is lacking. The 3% figure, for example, is irrelevant as it takes no account of local conditions – by resort. As I have mentioned before, Puerto Pollensa cannot compare with Puerto Alcúdia, Can Picafort and Playa de Muro when it comes to all-inclusive offers, as they barely exist in Puerto Pollensa.

Until such information is made available and is truly transparent, which it is not at present, restaurant owners (and others) will continue to believe what they read, even if it is not accurate. And they will continue to bemoan their luck. But they should also take a look at themselves and at their decisions. In Playa de Muro, which does have a number of all-inclusive places, the bad-luck stories all centre on these places, except in the case of some businesses, such as Boulevard and its Dakotas. They have opened a second Dakota in the resort, and the boss has told me that all-inclusives have not affected them. And if this is true, then you do have to further wonder as to factors like marketing and trying that little bit harder, especially at a time of changed market conditions. Whither, therefore, one might ask, the traditional restaurant?

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

All Along The Watchtower: And roundabout sculptures

I was out on the hunt for information again yesterday. What I wanted to know about had to do with the watchtowers that are dotted along the coastline and the background to sculptures on roundabouts. Why would I want to know this? Because the information could form further articles for this newspaper thing. And because no information seems to exist, well not in any detailed form.

First stop, the Playa de Muro tourist office and the ever-helpful Cati. The towers, she thought, stemmed from the Civil War, which sounds right but I had an idea that they were older. There’s a historian chappy at Muro town hall apparently. So she phoned him up. I’m waiting to collect the info he’s going to provide. He said that the towers do indeed pre-date the war, but that was about as far as I got for the time being. What I was also told was that questions about the watchtowers are not uncommon, as in tourists ask about them, which did rather make me wonder why there isn’t anything that gives their history. The towers seem, to me, and have long seemed like an obvious subject of interest, and yet they have been ignored where it comes to information provision. In Playa de Muro, other than Albufera, there isn’t exactly much by way of “attractions”. Except for the towers.

As for the roundabout sculptures, there was an explanation as to their “symbolism”, which will be largely obvious, assuming you know what they represent, such as the tangle of eels by Albufera. But there was also some confusion as to sculptures outside of Muro, such as the one in Puerto Alcúdia. What is it? A horse, I said. Even other tourist offices don’t know what it’s supposed to be.

Second stop, the tourist office in the port of Alcúdia and the ever-helpful Cristina. These roundabout sculptures, I asked. The two famous ones are in fact included in a leaflet produced by the town hall, though the information is only very brief. The linkin’ donuts one, that on the Magic roundabout; when was it put there for example? She wasn’t sure. Why did I want to know? Well because people like to know this sort of thing, don’t they?

Coming back to the watchtowers, I was told that they were “faros” (lighthouses). “Faros?” No. Surely not. During wars, you wouldn’t light up beacons to guide ships in or away, unless, I suppose, you did want to guide them in and then take a pop at them. I would be most surprised if they were ever lighthouses, except possibly that they, at some point, doubled up as such during peaceful times.

How do you find out more information? That’s when you run up against uncertainty. Do you talk to the heritage departments at the town halls? Or to the Council of Mallorca, given that the sculptures appear on main-road roundabouts? And if the latter, then who do you contact? There is nothing on the Council’s website, for example, which leads you to information about roundabout sculptures.

I don’t want to be critical, especially as the tourist offices are always helpful, but it seems a little odd that they are not themselves better informed. However, maybe this is understandable, because the tourist offices, like the whole tourism authority set-up on the island, are geared to a kind-of top-down information provision, that of what it has been determined that tourists should be told about – food, produce, historic buildings, walks and so on. But no one, it seems to me, has stopped to think about the curios – the watchtowers, the sculptures; the very things that can startle a visitor because they are a bit weird. The tall Dalek-pronged towers, the incomprehensible horse, if it is indeed a horse. Why are they there? How did they get there? When did they get there? Who put them there? The questions are very simple. But the answers are far from being so.

The season about to kick in, let’s re-introduce a previous theme but with the emphasis on “holiday” in music, in whatever form. An irregular item no doubt, but here is the brilliant Chambao, “Ahí Estás Tú” (otherwise known as the Andalucia advert song). Not Mallorca, but who cares:

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

Sign Here: Petition against the golf course

I’ll forgive you for switching off now. It’s the golf course – again.

Still with me? Ok, here goes. All manner of political wrangling has occurred since the subject last appeared on the blog. The might of the centre-right (the Partido Popular and Unió Mallorquina) has combined to pass a motion in parliament to the effect that the Muro course should go ahead, as it is in the interest of the island for it do so. The left has retaliated by attempting to get the Son Bosc finca brought under the auspices of the Costas’ authority, that which “protects” the coastal areas. This despite the fact that the finca isn’t actually by the coast. There is also the matter of the bee-eater bird that breeds on the finca during the summer. This, in itself, is enough to bring any work to a halt.

More than the political to-ing and fro-ing, the environmental group GOB has been soliciting tourist support for the finca to be included as part of the protected area of the Albufera nature park. At the weekend it got tourists coming into Albufera – some 400 or so – to sign a petition against the course. These tourists were then also told about the hotels who were behind the development and given a card to deliver to their hotels (assuming, presumably, they were ones involved in the project) in support of the anti-course position.

What good, frankly, does this do? For one thing, it has the effect of driving a wedge (sand or otherwise) between guests and their hotels. Maybe GOB hopes that the petitioning tourists will go to a different hotel in future. Or a different resort, thanks a lot. Or that the hotels suddenly think: “oh my God, 400 tourists, we must abandon all thought of a golf course”. One imagines not.

Getting some nature-admiring tourists to put their mark on a petition would hardly have been difficult. Visitors to Albufera are, pretty much, a captive market for an environmental campaign. Easy-peasy. One doubts that the tourists were given a balanced argument to consider. Of the 400, nine, apparently, admitted to being golfers, and only one of the nine, a Mallorcan, declined to sign the petition. GOB, as stated in the report from “The Diario”, reckoned this was “curious”. It might also be that the Mallorcan knew a bit more about the story – from both sides.

What was curious about the report was that there was reference to there being hotel companies behind the golf development, but it did not identify them. Why is there such a reluctance to name them? GOB does. Go to its website, and you can discover, under Golf Playa de Muro S.A., the names of hotels associated with Grupotel, Garden and Iberostar. It’s common knowledge in the public domain.

Right, finished that bit, you can switch back on again now.

Still with an environmental theme, let us turn, shall we, to pollution from vehicles, in particular that from buses. And one bus in particular.

Driving along the main road through Puerto Alcúdia yesterday, I was forced to slow down and drop back, for in front was a bus belching out rather unpleasant fumes. You’ll know the one I mean. Blue, tourist, sight-seeing. What a splendid advertisement this is, and how splendid for those that advertise on the bus. Come take a trip around the sights of Alcúdia and hopefully the fumes will blow – volcano like, one might also hope – in the opposite direction; otherwise a no-drive zone should be declared.

To be fair, this is not the only bus that offends in this way. When the older buses get pressed into public service during the season, there are some frightful old boneshakers billowing bluey stuff in their wake. So if you happen to see drivers putting many a metre between themselves and a bus, you will know why. Perhaps pedestrians should be issued with face masks.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.