Sitting Pretty Vacant: Pollensa

It was like the awards ceremony when the winner doesn’t show up, or the dinner when the guest of honour cries off. This might be over-egging things, but Joan Cerdà’s absence from the ranks of mayoral candidate in the Club Pollença deprived the occasion of some fun. No more will Joan be the pig in a poke of a public haranguing. But he will remain; a Banquo’s ghost, haunting Pollensa for years to come.

How many mayoral candidates does it take to change a light bulb? As many as you want, and they will still manage to get the lights of Puerto Pollensa’s bypass and church square the wrong way up or simply wrong. How many mayoral candidates does any town need? It is quicker to name those residents of Pollensa who are not standing for mayor than to name those who are.

Even without Joan to liven up proceedings and to be the target of metaphorical rotten eggs and tomatoes lobbed in his general direction, the malcontents of Pollensa opposition politics were only too happy to try and generate the normal fun and games that surround Pollensa town hall. The collective slagging-off was just like old times. In fact, just like any time over the past four years of Cerdàdom.

The one candidate currently warming a seat in the town hall, PSOE’s Maria Sastre, was asked about the value of her sinecure – sorry, sorry, size of her salary. Only 1900 euros a month, she retaliated. But salary is not what is important. It’s all about effectiveness. Cue chortling.

The naughty boys of the opposition, Garcia of the Alternativa, Sureda of the Esquerra and Cifre of the Mallorcan socialists, have been the ones who have habitually been caught sniggering at the back of the room during council meetings.

One of them, Cifre, questioned the amounts paid on town hall staff – 40% of the entire budget, always assuming you know which budget is being referred to; the town hall has only recently signed off on the 2009 accounts. Or were they 2008’s? Everyone seems to have lost track.

What do these staff members and councillors do precisely? Garcia reckoned a full-time fiestas councillor was unnecessary. A full-time post would be better reserved for tourism.

Ah yes, tourism, and Puerto Pollensa. Remarkably, someone (Cifre) made the point that it is up to the town hall to make the place look pretty. It is the tour operators and hoteliers who should be attracting the tourists. Hallelujah. When all the talk is made about local authorities doing this and doing that in order to promote to tourists, the obvious point is overlooked; that it is not the local authorities that really matter, but the tour operators. Cifre should be given the job as tourism minister.

Puerto Pollensa has its own party, the Unió Mollera Pollencina, and it naturally enough has its own mayoral candidate. Nadal Moragues deplored the pathetic image of the port and called for the Moll to have its own budget and responsibilities. It’s not the first time the suggestion has been made, but the rumblings of potential UDI are growing louder.

The new chico on the block, the virtual unknown, mini-Cerdà of the Convergència Whatever They’re Called Nowadays said that he would give out his mobile number so that citizens could call him. It sounds like a dangerous thing to do, but as no one knows who he is, he’ll probably be ok. And I’m not telling you his name, just in case. He won’t win anyway. Surely he can’t? Not AC – after Cerdà.

Such openness had already been trumped by Pepe Garcia. His Alternativa could just as easily be called the Transparencia. So clear and clean is Pepe, you can see right through him. Which is not meant to sound as it does. He’s a thoroughly decent bloke, and he has published his full financial and earnings situation as a way of demonstrating his transparency.

And that was about it. The candidates for the self-styled worst town hall in Mallorca will wait a few days to discover their fate. Oh, but there was one I’ve not mentioned. Malena Estrany of La Lliga. She is the best-looking of the lot. But given the vast numbers standing for office, she, as with all the others, cannot be said to be sitting pretty. The job’s vacant, and the race is wide open.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

Bus Passes: Alcúdia’s mayoral candidates

A motley crew. The tall guy, the bloke who looks like a refugee from 70s rock perms, three homely ladies and some geezer who we thought wasn’t going to be there. A motley crew for the motley cobbling-together of justification for existence that is Alcúdia’s Can Ramis building.

They came, they spoke, they concurred (sometimes). The mayoral candidates of Alcúdia. Several species of small and not so small furry and fiery political animals gathered together in the cave of an exhibition room and grooving for the press pictures. At least, at last, here was some point to Can Ramis. It was a burning topic for the citizenry of Alcúdia.

The tall guy, the mayor Jeff Goldblum, also known as Miguel Llompart, said that everything about the building of Can Ramis had been “correcto”. The one among the ranks who had something of the politician “look” about her, if only in a less-terrifying Ann Widdecombe style, was the furry terrier, pawing at the alleged irregularities of the building. But we knew all about Coloma and the Partido Popular’s objections. They were nothing new.

The tall guy, though, let on that Can Ramis had not been intended as a bus station. This was new, as was the admission that the misapprehension the entire town had been under had been a fault of town hall communication. So this explained everything, unlike the plan which had a bus station and the model with the little Dinky buses. Or had I imagined it all? Not that it really matters. It was a waste of money whatever the intention had or hadn’t been.

There were six of them in all. One of them hadn’t been expected. He had not been in the rogue’s gallery of head shots prior to the event, at any rate. Had he gate-crashed perhaps? No, he was the chap from the Esquerra Unida. And what’s the purpose of their existence exactly, other than to be left and united? Still don’t know, though the united left is the only party which will defend workers, or something like that.

It wasn’t trains and boats and planes so much as trains and buses. Ah yes, the train. The one not standing either somewhere near to Alcúdia’s auditorium or the Es Foguero ruin. Here, the main three parties, mayor Goldblum’s Convergència, Ann Widdecombe’s PP and the PSOE of the alarming Brian May lookalike, stood shoulder to shoulder. Not that Coloma could physically stand shoulder to shoulder with the tall guy; only metaphorically.

All three agreed that the government had been wrong regarding the siting of the railway and that the views of Alcúdia had to be respected. One Alcúdia, one train. Not that there is one train and is unlikely to now be one, besides which Brian May, sometimes also referred to as Pere Malondra, reckoned it wasn’t necessary anyway. There are other systems of public transport which can connect Alcúdia to Sa Pobla. Such as? Helicopters perhaps? Silly me. It’ll be a bus of course.

The lady from the Esquerra Republicana, whatever they are, made an unusually useful point. Still about buses, but it was useful nonetheless. Why wasn’t there a bus stop by the newly-terminaled commercial port? Well yes, why isn’t there? Probably because there aren’t any buses which go there, but possibly also because the port with its shiny new terminal has achieved the remarkable. It has actually managed to create less traffic than before.

There was one matter on which the aspiring and perspiring candidates could all sort of come together. Tourism. A longer season was needed. As was an agreement on tourism quality, one suggested by Brian May rather than his proposing something as dramatic as we will Mallorca rock you. Alcúdia offers not just sun and beach but also culture and gastronomy, parroted the Mallorcan socialists lady. How revolutionary. Who would have ever thought of such a thing? I must run the idea past the waddling masses of Bellevue some time. The chap who we didn’t think was going to be there wanted 30% of hotel places open in winter. Though how they might be filled is quite a different matter and therefore one that was not addressed.

The mayoral candidates lit up Can Ramis with their enlightenment. When the official campaign starts, there should be a banner strung high above the street by the town hall. “Vote Llompart, a mayor you can look up to.” Because everyone does, or has to. Alcúdia’s one unique political selling-point. It has the tallest mayor in Mallorca. In the absence of candidates offering any great thoughts, other than about bus stops where buses don’t run, this is about as good a reason as there is for voting for any of them.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.