It’ll Be Lonely This Christmas Without Andy Murray

Sports commentators have developed a style of expressiveness which, at moments of triumph, combines a knowing tone of we-knew-it-would-happen-didn’t-we with a precision of stating each word as though followed by an imaginary full stop. We might describe this inflection as “doing a Motson”, after its earliest known exponent. Dan Maskell would never have intoned thus. The only way we knew Dan was still with us was when he would stir from his slumberous drone with a suddenly animated “ooh, I say” with which to startle awake his television audience. Sports commentary of the current day has, by contrast and thanks to Sky, Five Live and talkSPORT, added hypomania to the Motsonic glottal stop. And so it was the other day. On a whooping Five Live. “Rafael. Nadal. From. Manacor. In. Mallorca.”

The words had a strange effect on me, one of a sense of territorial superiority. It was the specific mention of Manacor that emphasised it. I know that place, thought I, even if my acquaintance with the town is limited to sitting in a rush-hour traffic-jam. Nadal has gone from being from Spain, to being from Mallorca, to being from Manacor. It is no longer sufficient for commentators to refer just to the island. Nadal’s celebrity has made him über-Mallorcan. The detail of his Mallorcan-ness grows with his every Open championship; at the Australian we can expect to learn the names of all his neighbours. Dan would never have stood for this. He wouldn’t, for example, have let on that Roy Emerson came from Blackbutt, which was probably just as well.

Nadal is famous not just for coming from Mallorca but also for being the only famous Mallorcan ever. There are others who have had fame thrust upon them, but they are famous for not being famous, like the Catalan author and polymath Ramon Llull. No, Nadal is that famous that he has become Mallorca, or is it the other way round. And he is one of us. Which of course he isn’t, if you happen to be British. But Nadal has been adopted because of the alternative – the Scottish Player, one forever cursed by monotonic moroseness and by slipping up in the third round, so it is best not to mention his name in order to avoid the bad luck that doing so would bring.

One of Nadal’s virtues lies with his being perceived as “a nice boy”, something to which the Scottish Player would find it hard to aspire. It is this, together with the fact that he is the only Mallorcan anyone has ever heard of, that secures him gigs as the face and chest of Mallorcan (Balearic) promotion. And Nadal has just won his first US Open. Now might be the time for a bit of Mallorcan marketing stateside. The only problem is that tourism chiefs are spending their time either about to go into prison or in China, enticing a breed of Chinese tourist with promises of cheap bazars on every Mallorcan high street. That’s not the only problem.

Sadly, despite Nadal’s celebrity, tourism promotion involving him has been a complete disaster. Admittedly, it doesn’t help having an uncle/trainer who slags off Parisians as being “really stupid” when you’ve forked out 400 grands worth of promotional budget to target the French market – as was the case during last year’s French Open. And it also doesn’t help when the director of Spanish tourism in Paris agrees with Uncle Toni. A tourettic momentary lapse of diplomacy perhaps, but it was symptomatic of the Nadal nadir of Mallorcan tourism marketing.

What else, with hindsight though, could you have expected? We now know, courtesy of testimonies before the judge in the corruption case involving the tourism promotion agency (IBATUR), that there was such uncontrolled and unmanaged profligacy at the agency that it doubled the money for the French campaign in providing for a museum of tourism that never came about, while it is alleged that the agency was never subject to proper financial governance. If the agency was capable of playing fast and loose with public money, which it was, it was equally capable of being incompetent when it came to doing what it was meant to do – marketing. Nadal should seek to distance himself from any association, however indirect, with the agency’s cowboys and their legacy.

But Bon Nadal, good old Mr. Christmas, will probably find himself still featuring in ads on some obscure channel at two in the morning, just after an equally obscure sports commentator has finished his Motson at the end of an under-19 handball event from the Ukraine. And come Christmas, as the holiday ads start to kick in, he’ll still be there, floating somewhere in satellite land. But at least he will be there, unlike the Scottish Player; you wouldn’t even get him as the face of a wet week in the Highlands and Islands. It’ll be lonely this Christmas without … Don’t say it, just don’t say it.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

The Chinese Take-Away

The glory that is corruption in Mallorca. The glory and the sheer stupidity. Gloriously stupid. The “Pasarela” operation into what the hell has been going on at IBATUR, the regional government’s tourism promotion agency, has unearthed one of the more bizarre of all the questionable practices.

If you were to want to have translated the acronym IBATUR into Mandarin Chinese, how much do you reckon it would cost? Six letters, that’s all, but let’s be generous as Chinese “letters” are of course nothing like our own. There is generous, though, and there is generous. Would you say that six thousand euros was a fair payment? No, you probably wouldn’t, and nor would the investigators say it was fair either. Which is why they are rather keen to understand why this amount was trousered by one Felip Ferré who just so happens to be a nephew of … you might have guessed it … disgraced former president, Jaume Matas, and who also happens to be implicated in yet another corruption case. The six grand was paid to him by the tourism ministry.

There are other strange questions arising from this investigation, such as one related to ten thousand euros paid to someone to come up with a study into the benefits of golf on the islands, a study that was compiled with information lifted straight from the internet. This may not be in the class of a dodgy dossier based on a PhD thesis, but it is equally stupid, as in did someone really believe that it might not be found out, like six grand for translating six letters might not be found out.

Then you have what was going on at the Fundación Balears Sostenible with its stupid green card, the “tarjeta verde”. Let’s be generous where this is concerned as well, and say that it was a highly altruistic means of providing discounts while at the same time promoting the natural glories of the islands. It was, however, really intended as a way of raising dosh, once the old eco-tax was kicked into the Mediterranean and drowned with the outcry that the tax had caused. How much do you reckon it raised? According to the audit for 2008, it brought in – to the Fundación, charged with its administration – the massive amount of 13,524 euros. It is believed that there has been a shortfall of some 400,000 euros, some of which can be explained, it is alleged, by the fact that hotels selling it have simply not handed over the money (and of course the hotels have been hounded for back-payment of the eco-tax during its shortlived and crazy existence). Set against the lack of revenue are the costs which have given rise to losses on the venture of over a million euros a year. In the hotels’ defence, it is being said that the card had little success with tourists, which is probably true. At ten euros a pop, it may have seemed to offer benefits, but was just another example of how such a discounting approach doesn’t work.

This may not necessarily indicate anything fraudulent – at the Fundación – but it smacks of inefficiency, to say the least. Which brings us to another question – that of pallets and pallets of publicity material on behalf of the Fundación which were stashed away in store and never used.

Corruption and inefficiency. Fraud and waste. Different they may be, but they are two sides of the same coin – the one that was spent and spent by an extravagant and uncontrolled public sector, especially the tourism ministry. One says “was”, as one can but hope that this is no longer the case.

* Acknowledgement to “The Diario” for different reports that informed the above.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

The Corruption Fiesta Season: Operación Pasarela

The fiesta season is in full swing. It is reassuring that elements of Mallorca’s traditions, like the fiestas, are in such rude health, despite everything. There is another tradition that is doing well and which has not succumbed to the slumber of the summer. Political corruption. Like fiesta merry-go-rounds or carousels, the investigations are jolly rides with a certain mystery – the murky world of political life, Mallorcan style.

A new tradition that we can now appreciate is that the corruption investigations centre on the Balearics’ tourism ministry. The latest ones in this tradition are monikered “Operación Pasarela”, the gangway operation. The pirates of Puerto Alcúdia’s Sant Pere fiesta night party are being turned into the Pirates of “Pena”zance and being made to walk the gangway plank of the anti-corruption navy. (Pena refers to a judicial sentence, by the way.)

Whereas the previous – and ongoing – investigation involving the tourism ministry (the vulture case) has to do with goings-on at the old Inestur, the latest is looking at IBATUR, the tourism promotional agency, and at something known as the Fundación Balears Sostenible. All three of these organisations have now been wrapped up into an overarching tourism agency: not before time, and a re-organisation driven by cost-cutting and not by corruption – or maybe someone knew something. Of the three, Inestur and the Fundación were both created during the administration of Jaume Matas, under investigation – as I’m sure you remember – for all manner of carry-on.

The Fundación was established in 2004, primarily to help promote the “tarjeta verde”, the green card of discounts with an environmental angle, and a glorious flop. Why the Fundación, like Inestur, was ever created or was necessary, one has to ask. Both are and were pointless, given IBATUR’s existence and that of various other organisations. The awful conclusion that might be derived from the investigations is that there was another purpose to their creation – allegedly.

While the Unió Mallorquina party has been heavily implicated in the vulture investigation of Inestur, this latest one looks straight at the Partido Popular, Matas’s party. The two parties do occupy similar political ground and are not unknown to partner up. Like other corruption investigations, this one also implicates marketing companies. There is a common theme to these investigations – these media or marketing outfits – along with accusations of false accounting and lining political parties’ pockets: the corruption plod are wondering if money was diverted to political campaigning by Matas, a similar line of enquiry to the vulture case where the UM are concerned.

The currently implicated marketing companies also had much to do with the Mallorca Classic golf tournament, one that was buried into a bunker a couple of years ago, thanks to a withdrawal of government financing, by a government that post-dated the Matas administration. At the time, the government’s pull-out attracted criticism and queries. In light of the Pasarela investigation, rather like the highly questionable institute (Inestur) and Fundación, what now does one make of this withdrawal of financing? The impression given, by all this, is that, just perhaps, someone in the political class knew something. Maybe and, as always, allegedly.

We might have thought that the fiesta season and the arrival of real, hot summer would herald the silly season of little happening. We would have been wrong. The less than silly season of corruption is still with us.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.