All That Noise And All That Sound: Playa de Palma

“The noise that is made does not correspond with the reality.”

This could be a maxim for much of what occurs – or rather doesn’t – in Mallorca, especially when it comes to major projects. Never a truer word spoken, and it took a German to speak them. A couple of weeks ago TUI’s Volker Böttcher expressed his frustration with plans for the regeneration of Playa de Palma. “We hear many things but don’t know what they will be.” All that noise and all that sound.

Playa de Palma, where TUI are concerned, is important. It represents a stable, staple even, element of the tour operator’s portfolio. Böttcher said that in twenty years time it will still be important, but this future importance doesn’t overlook present deterioration and a future which includes new and exclusive hotels. This is meant to be the future. Or was. The plan for Playa de Palma is in disarray.

The noise surrounding the regeneration has emanated from far and wide, even from higher echelons of national government. The iconic significance that has been attached to the project makes the wailing because of its collapse, partial or total, that much louder amidst the sounds of false icons and ambitions crashing into the bay of Palma.

The project has always been highly ambitious, which is not a reason for its deserving to fail. It has envisaged a transformation of the extended resort, one designed to establish long-term competitiveness for what is the most emblematic of Mallorca’s tourist areas. The scale of the ambition has, though, been its downfall.

The regeneration has been proposed for what are currently productive hotels and for residences. It is this that distinguishes it from urban renewal programmes, some of them aimed at creating tourism which doesn’t already exist, and from altogether smaller, essentially one-off projects to upgrade coastal towns, such as have been the case in the UK. Add to this the need for wholesale expropriation of hotels and dwellings, and what you have with Playa de Palma is something of a leap into the unknown, the remodelling of a tourist area in people’s lifetimes. As far as I know, it is unique.

Talk of expropriation raises its own issues. Apart from a psychological dimension, there is that of agreeing valuation and all the likely legal wrangles that would arise, the swiftness with which compensation might be forthcoming (and it hasn’t always been swift in the past with other infrastructure schemes) and precisely where the money would come from, not just for compulsory purchase but also for the whole project. There is the mere matter of some four billion euros to be found, roughly a third of it from the public purse. We now have the Balearics president calling on the European Union to cough up for tourist-resort modernisation. For Playa de Palma in other words.

The consortium that is overseeing the plan accepts that it has made mistakes, mainly of a presentational nature. It believes though that regeneration cannot be effected without expropriation and re-building. It’s right. It can’t be. When its director of planning, Joseba Dañobeitia, speaks of hotels built from the ’60s into the ’90s being incapable of competing with other, newer destinations, he should also be adding that whole resorts can’t compete. Playa de Palma, and the same applies elsewhere, is hamstrung by its past, by having been a first-mover in mass tourism and having been left behind both by greater modernity and by tourist expectations.

But what is now left of the regeneration plan is some tarting-up and a piecemeal approach whereby individual owners can seek to enter into agreements with the consortium for their property or land to be purchased. Rather than an integrated, root-and-branch approach, you end up with the worst of all solutions; something which is neither here not there.

The consortium insists that what has been envisaged is not a “revolution” or “luxury” but simply an improvement to tourism quality. The trouble is, as TUI’s boss has alluded to, that no one has been clear as to what has been really envisaged. Hoteliers insist that what is needed is a maintenance of three-star accommodation, that which satisfies the sort of market that has been meat and drink to Playa de Palma for years. Perhaps so, but going forward would this be acceptable to the likes of TUI which has called for hotel upgrades? The plan, in basic terms, is not complicated. Aesthetic improvements and better hotels, and if this means fewer hotels, then so be it; there is over-supply as it is.

Playa de Palma will remain important to TUI, but twenty years is a long time. It has been long enough to see Playa de Palma and much of Mallorca engulfed by what maybe should have been foreseen but wasn’t, namely the emergence of quality rivals. I have no wish to make light of the proposals for expropriation and of the impact this would have, but they should send in the bulldozers tomorrow. And not just in Playa de Palma.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

Party Hats With The Coloured Tips: Cati and Guillermo

“Guapa,” she said, pointing to the front-page photo. Eagerly I parted with the euro that secured my souvenir “Bulletin” with its front page of the happy couple and hurried home in order to frame it and place it alongside other treasured royalist memorabilia – the Prince Edward gundog-smiting walking stick and the Queen Mum gin bottle.

“Guapa?” Hmm, maybe. Kate seems unfortunately to be growing to resemble one of those crazed women of the American right – plenty of teeth, big-hair-lite and light in other departments quite possibly. Who was the bloke with her? Cheesy grin and balding. Ah yes, him. You know you’re getting old when you can remember the footage of Wills’ first day at posh prep.

It must be something to do with the fact that the Spanish are to blame for “Hello”, all air-head celebrity, yachts and pink living-rooms with pink old dames in the mode of Barbara Cartland, were she still with us. This and their having their own royals. The Spanish José Public is already gripped with wedding fever; the Spanish media by Lady Di comparisons and the relative claims on guapa-ness between Diana, Kate and Spain’s own Letizia.

There is a curious protocol within the Spanish media that makes the British royals Spanish. For the time being, Kate remains Kate. She’s not been Catalina-ised or Cati-ed. Yet. The rest of the “firm” has been Spanished. William is not William. He is Guillermo. The old man is Carlos, grandma is Isabel and, most bizarrely of all, little bro’ is Enrique. Why do they do this? It’s not as if the British press turn the Spanish king into a one-time Leeds United and Welsh centre-half-cum-centre-forward: John Charles. There again, there is the obstinate British media refusal to recognise that Zapatero is a president. Has to be something about republics versus democratic monarchies. At least I have always presumed this to be the reason for Zapatero being a prime minister in British eyes.

I don’t know if Zapatero has sent his best wishes to the happy couple, but he’ll probably be schmoozing up to Dave at the next EU shindig in the hope of an invite. But would he pass the Dave royal test? Unlikely that he’s the sort who would have camped out overnight in order to be first to lob some royal confetti. I knew there was a reason for thinking that Dave was a dork, and now I know what it is.

But one imagines that Felipe and Letizia will already have their names being inscribed onto the seating plan, thus sending the Spanish media into a frenzy of further Kate comparisons. Our princess is better than your princess sort of thing. In fact something of the sort had already started before the great announcement, the Italian paper “La Repubblica” having put the cat among the royal pigeons by suggesting that Letizia was heading Di-wards. Marriage not as good as we thought. Looking rather thin and bored. To the rescue has come the King’s sister who has declared that Letizia is better than Di and a whole lot smarter. Which wouldn’t be difficult.

To be fair, Letizia is a whole lot smarter. She did a proper day’s work for a kick off, unlike Diana, unless you count her time at the nursery school when the kids were teaching her the times table. Now though we have Kate to add to the mix, and the question as to whether she has actually had a proper job or not.

Mercifully though, the Spanish press is not totally sycophantic when it comes to the royals, other countries’ royals that is. One “sketch” of the Kate-Wills declaration to the world suggested that all that was missing was Lord Reg of Pinner in the corner playing the piano. What would he have been performing though? “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart”, “Sacrifice” or “Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting”? The latter perhaps. One thing the Spanish press hasn’t cottoned onto is the possibility of the honeymoon being in Magalluf.

Were Majorca to be the location for the couple’s “luna de miel”, it’s more likely they would be handed the keys of Marivent or accompany Felipe and Letizia on the royal yacht and water in Portals, that oasis of Mallorcan authenticity according to Louise Redknapp. But if not the honeymoon, then what about the stag do? Presuming that Harry – sorry Enrique – gets the best man gig, then Maga could well be on the cards. A spot of balcony diving, a night out at Benny Hills and then onto BCM to rub shoulders with Frank Lampard in the VIP lounge. And party supplies courtesy of the Middletons’ company – balloons with the featherlight touch and party poppers that pop in the night.

But sadly, this is likely to only be a dream. Kate and Wills will honeymoon somewhere else, the Spanish press in tow with their long-range zooms along with the rest of the world’s media. Yes, we have all of this to look forward to. And even if there is to be no Mallorcan honeymoon or stag do, we can also look forward to little bits of Britain come the great day. Street parties, Union Jacks, God Save The Queen and party hats with the coloured tips. But so much for what the Spanish will be organising, what about the Brits?

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

Mind Your Language: Catalan and the Guardia

A Moroccan interpreter, Saïda Saddouki, has been found guilty of defaming a Guardia Civil officer and been fined a total of 1500 euros. The Saddouki case is the first of two to go to court in Mallorca, along with one in Gerona on the mainland earlier this year, which all have as their theme the speaking of Catalan to Guardia officers.

In August 2007 Saïda Saddouki went to the Guardia’s command headquarters in Palma in order to translate from Arabic. She spoke to a captain in Catalan. At a later press conference, she alleged that the captain racially abused her by referring to her as “una mora catalanista” (literally a Catalan dark-skinned woman). The court found in favour of the captain who denied that he had said what Saddouki had alleged.

The case has become something of a cause célèbre, thanks in no small part to the role of the Obra Cultural Balear, an organisation which this year celebrates its fiftieth anniversary as one that promotes Catalan in the Balearics. The OCB was with Saddouki at that press conference. Since the court’s decision it has said that it believes her account of what happened and not the captain’s. It has also referred to discrimination in matters of language, has brought the Saddouki case to the attention of Amnesty International and has called for international observers and journalists to attend a future court case.

In March this year a woman called Àngels Monera was fined 180 euros for showing a lack of respect to Guardia officers at Gerona airport. Her version of events was that officers, to whom she did speak in Catalan, showed “contempt” for the language, and detained her long enough for her to miss her flight. She then made complaints to the media and ultimately found herself in court as a defendant. The Guardia version was that she had spoken aggressively and had called them “Francoists”. The officers insisted that they had asked her to speak Castilian not because they sought to “impose” a language but because they didn’t understand Catalan.

The future court case to which the OCB has invited observers from the European Union, and which has also been raised with the European Parliament, concerns one Iván Cortés. On 7 August last year Cortés was allegedly given a beating by Guardia officers who had asked him to produce his papers at Palma airport security and to whom he spoke in Catalan. He was allowed to make his flight – to London – where a doctor seemingly confirmed his injuries. The OCB took up his case and publicised it widely in the media. The court case is the trial of one of those officers.

What are we to make of these cases? Setting aside the rights or wrongs of what has happened or may have happened, they point to one thing – a ratcheting up of the whole Catalan issue. Appealing to Amnesty International and international observers and media takes it to a new level, and one that, on the face of it, seems somewhat extreme.

By doing so, the OCB, which had its own brush with the Guardia when a leading member was detained during the “Acampallengua” (language camp) in Sa Pobla last year, is further politicising an already political issue and also elevating it, via Amnesty, into the realms of human rights abuse.

The Spanish constitution recognises, through the exercise of human rights, the cultures, traditions and languages of all the peoples of Spain. Yet there is a dichotomy in that the defenders of the state, in the form of the Guardia, are officially only Castilian speaking. It is a dichotomy that needs addressing. Whether witting or unwitting, the Guardia should not be pushed into being a defender of language as well; it’s not their job. But as things stand, the Guardia, placed in an invidious position, are an institutional target for those with a Catalanist agenda. Which is not to say that they can’t potentially be brought to book, as will happen with the Cortés case.

The Saddouki case would probably be quickly forgotten about were it not for the Cortés trial. It is the alleged violence, together with the Catalan connection, that will, in all likelihood, make it more of a cause célèbre than Saddouki. And it probably will attract international attention. Moreover, it is likely to ask some awkward questions, ones that go to the heart of the constitution and of institutions.

For many of you, the Catalan issue might seem pretty arcane, but the depth of feeling that surrounds it is of great significance and is one that colours much of the local political discourse, as shown with the debate over language in education. Yes it’s political, but then it’s been a political issue for centuries, and an incident at Palma airport is about to make it more so.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

Off Their Faces: Underage drinking

58% of school students between the ages of 14 and 18 regularly consume alcohol. The average age of the onset of alcohol consumption is 13.6 years. The Spanish government intends to re-educate in order to stop alcohol misuse.

You might have read recent reports regarding the drinking of alcohol by Spanish youth. So you don’t need me to remind you of the figures. Perhaps not, but the above comes not from the recent survey of youth drinking, but from one conducted in 2000 and written up in 2002, one that was compiled in the context of growing concern as to the more widespread phenomenon of the botellón and of so-called binge drinking among Spanish youth. Just for the record, the new survey has found that habitual alcohol consumption between the ages of 12 and 18 is practised by 61% of the sample.

Allowing for a difference in the age ranges of the 2000 and latest surveys, the inference is that alcohol use among Spanish youth hasn’t risen significantly over the decade. Nevertheless, the latest survey has stirred up alarm, not least because it has found that it is so easy for under-18s to buy alcohol without showing any ID.

Incredible. Where have they been? Want to know how easy it is to be an underage drinker in Spain? Take a look at a few internet forums from the UK and you’ll find out. As one commentator put it, unless you’re in a pram, sucking on a dummy you won’t have any problem getting served in a bar or liquor store in Spain. In Valencia, just as an example, one survey discovered that there was virtually no request for ID for those of 15 or older.

Ah yes, you say, but this business of the average age of the onset of consumption, that’s the age at which children start drinking the odd glass of wine as part of the “responsible” attitude to alcohol in Spain. Sorry, but it isn’t. This is the age that youth start getting steamed up under their own steam as well as being “guided” by their parents. It is an unsettling fact for those who have the wholly misguided impression of alcohol and youth in a country which, because it isn’t the UK, is held up as some kind of panacea of responsibility. It is an unsettling fact, given that the Fundación Alcohol y Sociedad, which conducted the latest survey, has highlighted the “structural problem” of society as a consequence of alcohol as well as the levels of violence associated with drinking.

The UK alcohol charity Drinkaware revealed last year that the average age at which young people take their first alcoholic drink was … 13.4 years of age. Virtually no difference. It also discovered that 71% of 16 and 17 year olds drink more than once a week. Again allowing for a difference in age range and a not unreasonable assumption that older teenagers will be more inclined to drink regularly, then the Spanish and UK figures are similar.

If all that the Spanish surveys did was to point to the responsible odd glass of wine, then it might be legitimate to distinguish between a responsible drinking culture (Spain’s) and an irresponsible one (the UK’s). But they don’t do this. Both surveys point to the influence of the botellón street drinking party, while the latest highlights the almost complete failure of drinking-age law.

The survey of 2000 shows that the problem of youth drinking is not something of recent origin. And nor is the botellón, despite press treatment which might suggest otherwise. Back in 2002 the government was planning to prevent the drinking of alcohol in the streets and to ban the sale of alcohol to under-18s. Who was saying this then? Mariano Rajoy, now the national leader of the Partido Popular. His ominous-sounding, Khmer Rouge-style re-education programme, assuming it was ever launched, has been another failure alongside those to do with the sale of alcohol and street drinking.

The botellón phenomenon gathered strength in the 1990s. Yet it has been taken, without the slightest shred of evidence, as having been inspired by the drinking cultures of north European youth, especially the British. The conclusion that some would draw is that poor Spanish youth, previously all but teetotal, have been corrupted by an exported binge-drinking mentality. This is utter nonsense. One might add that British binge-drinking is, as far as the media is concerned, a more recent phenomenon than the botellón. Maybe, but it all depends on your definition.

The point is that youth culture is youth culture, of which drink is a part. It might once not have been so in Spain, but it now is, and the influences are the same – the lack of alternative forms of “entertainment”, peer pressure, drink is “cool” and so is getting off your face.

In the summer, in the light of excessive drinking, fears were being expressed as to the future of fiestas (in Mallorca) as they were being treated as excuses for the young to get drunk. These were fears being expressed in different towns and also by a local expert in popular culture Felip Munar. What was once a traditional alcohol responsibility has been eroded to the point of threatening traditions, but the threat stems from a societal shift. And it is one that negates the wrongheaded, rosy perception of attitudes to drink among Spanish youth.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

Homage To Catalonia: Joan Laporta and independence

Think what you like about the Premier League’s overblown self-importance, one thing it hasn’t done is to stray too far into the world of politics. With the exception of old Red Nose brown-nosing New Labour, it has happened the other way round – Tony Blair masquerading as a member of the Toon Army and David Mellor giving the then soon to start League pre-publicity by donning his Chelsea shirt to conceal the absence of his shorts. Populist politico-soccerism has mainly been the preserve of the charming and ever-humorous Silvio Berlusconi. But there is always Joan Laporta.

The former president of Barcelona now fancies himself as the Lionel Messi of Catalan pretensions, striking the goal for independence. Not that his being Messi would get him very far as the player is of course Argentinian. Never mind, Barça can always call on Xavi, Puyol, Busquets, Valdés, Krkic and Piqué as being the real Catalonian thing. And they are; they were all in the squad the last time Catalonia played an international.

Laporta, on the back of his stint as the club’s president, has formed a political party – Catalan Solidarity for Independence – which will take part in upcoming regional government elections. Having added a porn star (shades of Italian politics here as well) to his strike force, Laporta is trusting in a wave of discontent in Catalonia to catapult him into stellar political orbit. It’s unlikely to happen, but the discontent is real enough, much of it stemming from a constitutional ruling in July that Catalonia cannot be a “nation” and thus cannot be self-governing.

Laporta was unashamedly Catalanist during his time as president. He styled Barcelona as a surrogate Catalonian national team and in so doing made it symbolic of Catalonian nationalism and a desire for independence. This overlooked the fact that Catalonia does have a team, albeit one unrecognised by UEFA or FIFA and therefore confined to the playing of friendlies (as is the case with all the autonomous regions of Spain which have their own football teams, including the Balearics), but did not neglect the fact that historically Barça has long been representative of Catalonia. The club’s slogan “més que un club” (more than a club) encapsulates this, and it is one that dates back to Franco’s days – to 1968 to be precise – but has its roots in a time well before this.

Laporta clearly understands his history and the importance of Barça to Catalonian ambitions. And he is using his association with the club, and therefore the fame he derived from being its president, to fuel his own ambitions. Like Berlusconi, however, he is not a million miles away from the hint of scandal. He denies anything untoward, naturally enough, but the current president is keen to establish quite how Barça’s finances came to be as shaky as they are.

Whether Laporta can be taken seriously will be answered come the elections. But what has to be taken seriously is the question that simply won’t go away – that of Catalonian independence. A mark of quite how unsettling this could be occurred in January 2006 when an army general, José Mena, was placed under house arrest for suggesting that there would be military intervention were Catalonia to be granted ever greater autonomy.

In Mallorca, an indication of attitudes to the Catalonian question came in response to the constitutional ruling. While there was political support for self-government across the spectrum, with the notable exception of the Partido Popular (PP), a demonstration in Palma opposing the ruling attracted a mere 300 protesters. Popular support for Catalonia extends to the Barcelona football team, but not to an independent Catalonia. Despite the linguistic connection, historical Catalonian radicalism runs counter to a Mallorcan conservatism. And this is no better seen than in the stance of the PP’s local leader, José Ramón Bauzá. His objections to the use of Catalan do not exclude the islands’ Catalan variants; quite the opposite. What he does take exception to is what he has called the “imposition” of Catalan from Catalonia. In other words he, and this would not be an unpopular sentiment in Mallorca as a whole, is allied firmly with Madrid (and the Spanish state) and not with Barcelona.

We have to see what happens with Laporta’s campaign and in the Catalonian elections. The prediction is that the centrist Convergència i Unió will win. While this party is equivocal on nationalism and so might quieten the independence issue for now, the issue will re-emerge, and the next national elections could prove crucial. It has been claimed that the constitutional ruling against self-government was politically inspired by the PP nationally which opposes Catalonian aspirations. This contrasts with a Zapatero government which has been accused of bending too easily to Catalonian demands, such as in granting extended local powers in 2006.

The Catalonian question will not go away. Maybe one day there will be an independent state. But for many Mallorcans and indeed Spaniards, the most important issue will not be political. It will have to do with football. An officially recognised Catalonia with a core of Barcelona players might take some stopping, bringing an end to Spain’s European and world domination. And who knows, maybe President Laporta will be there to cheer as team manager Carles Puyol raises the cup. For Catalonia.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

And Cancel Christmas

By the roundabout at the top of Puerto Alcúdia’s “Mile”, a single festive “Bones Festes” sign swings forlornly in the autumn wind. Alcúdia town hall will have to decide whether the rest of the usual lights will go up this Christmas. They might put them up, but whether they switch them on or have them on for only limited periods will also need to be decided. The town hall’s electricity bill has increased by a massive 40% in a year. “A barbarity,” has said mayor Llompart of the rise, one caused partly by new infrastructure in the town but also by – the target of Sr. Llompart’s upset – GESA’s prices.

Alcúdia has already taken the decision to switch off much of the town’s street lighting at midnight, including that by the old town’s walls. Alcúdia like a Christmas tree? Tonight or any other night over the festivities, the city won’t belong to me or to you. We won’t be able to find our way round. Angels of half-light. If that. Not that it probably matters. No one much will be around. They’ll be holed up at home, huddled over the radiators, reduced in the number switched on, the result also of higher electricity prices, or crouched by a gas heater, breathing in butane that has also gone up.

Christmas is coming. The goose is getting thin.

You can get goose for your Christmas lunch in Mallorca, just as you can get turkey. But what has been a meat-buying trend to downscale for some time will carry over into Christmas. Rabbit is going to be popular. And some of it may well be wild. The fincas are alive with the sound of guns, not all of them necessarily those of the licensed hunters.

FACUA, the consumers association, reckons that household spending in the Balearics as a whole will be down by some six per cent this Christmas. While the purchase of gifts is likely to remain at the same sort of level as last year, there is one element of Christmas cheer that has taken a nosedive, and not only at Christmas. Alcohol. Since 2007 sales of beer have slumped by 35%; those of higher alcohol content, spirits etc., by 27%. You can see the evidence of this in the supermarkets. Prominent, so as to grab the attention of shop traffic, are low offers on the likes of cava. Even checkout girls, unused to the role of playing salespeople, are drawing attention to the cheap booze.

It isn’t of course just the supermarkets which have been hit and which have had to introduce more basic lines. There are the bars and liquor stores as well. 30,000 of them across Spain have closed since the crisis took a hold. The “El Gordo” Christmas lottery will still attract its syndicates willing to fork out for what are expensive tickets, but lotteries in general, games of bingo and slot machines are also victims of lower spend on things other than necessities.

And with the slump in sales comes also a slump in revenue – that to the government, one only partially addressed by the increase in IVA. There is a further non-necessity that has seen the treasury’s coffers emptied: the sale of cigarettes. In 2008 this fell by a massive 37% in Mallorca. So maybe tourists don’t spend all their money on fags after all. The upward adjustment in prices on tobacco last year, primarily duty, has enabled the government to recoup some of the loss, but as with more or less everything, the curve heads downwards.

This will be an austerity Christmas, implies FACUA. Appropriately enough amidst the austerity of governmental measures which show no sign of bringing confidence back to consumers or to business. And the fear is that the new year might even herald something worse. The markets have sunk their teeth into Greece and spat it out, just as they are doing to Ireland, despite its regular austerity revisions. Portugal could be on its way out of the euro anyway. So then there’s Spain.

The new year will also see the introduction of the smoking ban. Predictions of a 15% fall in bar sales as a result would come on top of the decline in alcohol consumption that has already been experienced. The bars and restaurants have started a campaign to stop the ban or to at least delay its introduction. It’s a bit late, one would think. But maybe they have a point in that now is probably not the best time to bring it in.

For now is the time of less, less, ever less. Except when it’s more, more, ever more. Like the cost of electricity. Town halls in penury, the lights going out all over Alcúdia and elsewhere in Mallorca. Little to celebrate during the festive season, with less-extravagant feasts and fewer cups that cheer. It would be nice to say “merry Christmas”, but it would be said through gritted teeth. As for a happy new year, the bars will be the first ones to assess the accuracy of that, come 2 January. And after that …?

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

The Merry Wives Of Muro: Pumpkins

“Peter, Peter pumpkin eater
Had a wife but couldn’t keep her
He put her in a pumpkin shell
And there he kept her very well.”

The pumpkin shell, as with most of the pumpkin, can be eaten. It is not used solely to store wives nor to have a ghoulish face carved into it and to be made into a lantern. There are few more versatile vegetables than the pumpkin and no vegetable that is monikered with quite the same suggestion of humour.

“Pumpkin”. It sounds daft, and the sound is sufficient to detract from its usefulness. Its comedic possibilities extend also to its inhabiting the end-of-the-pier, ooh-er-missus nudge-nudge alongside the marrow, especially when the pumpkin grows not in its more conventional round shape.

A friend of mine, a local journalist with the Spanish press, did a piece last year about a pumpkin grower from Pollensa who had cultivated a pumpkin that was over a metre in length and substantially engorged in its girth. The accompanying photo, fortunate or unfortunate, depending upon your prurience, showed the grower lying on top of the vegetable. I leave you to imagine exactly how this looked and where one end of the tuberous protuberance was located.

The pumpkin, butt of jokes or not, is celebrated locally. It has an autumn fair more or less in its honour. Muro’s. Local restaurants prepare different pumpkin-based dishes and there is, inevitably, the how-big-is-your-pumpkin competition. Pity the poor and humble pumpkin, forever cast as the vegetabilist jester for whom size is all that matters.

In Muro and neighbouring Sa Pobla, the soil hennaed red with Saharan dust is the production line for cabbages, potatoes, pumpkins and other veg. Sa Pobla is undergoing a shift in its traditional produce allegiance, the more widespread cultivation of rice challenging the potato sufficiently for it to assume the place of honour at the head dining-table of the town’s own autumn fair this year. Muro though maintains its idiosyncratic pumpkin roots, a mere un-sizeworthy three inches into the earth around the town at the commencement of the vegetable’s growth.

The pumpkin is, however, a deceiving fellow. Its orangeness hints at something rather more succulent than it actually is. Like packaging elaborated to entice the consumer with a product that is no more superior to one without the benefit of a design consultant and budget, the pumpkin suggests more than it delivers – in its raw or basic state. It’s what you can do with a pumpkin which is more rewarding than simply, say, tossing chunks of it into a pan of boiling water.

It has, for example, and thanks to its seeds, given the world the finest bread known to man. Pumpkin bread. “Kürbis-Brot” in German. As with their fabulously diverse beers, the Germans do things with bread unimaginable to those raised on a loaf of Mothers Pride or Spain’s insanely named Bimbo. In Muro the pumpkin has been aligned with prawns, mixed with couscous, made into a pie with pork and parsley, combined with chocolate and mandarins and – naturally enough of course in the land of the ensaïmada – been added to the pastry.

In its honour and in honour of Muro’s fair, time it was, thought I, to follow a recipe for a casserole with local sausage and pumpkin. Simple enough. To concoct that is. But in the greengrocery section of the local Eroski, at the time of the pumpkin fair, was there a pumpkin to be seen? There was not. All the pumpkins had gone. Where or where could my pumpkin be?

The answer was simple. All those Pedros, Pedros pumpkin eaters. They have made for their wives some seasonal shell suits. And now they are the merry wives of Muro, thanks to their Pedros, Pedros pumpkin eaters and how big that the pumpkins grow. Ooh-er, missus.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

Back To The Future: The new agriculture

There’s a lot of land in Capdepera. An awful lot of land that they don’t quite know what to do with. The old municipal rubbish dump had been earmarked for the faintly batty Christian theme park idea. Alcúdia may now be its location.

There’s more land in Capdepera. Agricultural land that currently isn’t doing anything. They’re looking at re-cultivating it with the aims of selling produce to tourists and of creating employment in what is all but a lost agrarian tradition in the town.

The revitalisation of agriculture has become something of a theme bubbling under a wider discussion of the need for economic diversification. A back-to-the-future new agrarianism was spoken about in May this year when a gathering in Alaró, organised by the Camper footwear company, addressed the issue of diversification. It is one that plays well with an insular-nationalist Luddite tendency that would happily turn the clock back on tourism industrialisation.

But the worthies who met in Alaró were far from being cranks. Among their number was Jerry Mander of the International Forum on Globalization who, following something of a farmyard line of thinking, asserted that Mallorca was living a fantasy in believing that tourism would return to being the “hen laying golden eggs”. Hens laying real eggs is more like it.

The feasibility of the plan for the land in Capdepera will consider what might be grown there and what might be viable in terms of products for sale to tourists. It is a plan that makes sense. Mander is not the only one who recognises the pointlessness of much more development of a strictly tourist nature – hotels, for example. Alternative uses of land that might be contemplated are similarly either pointless, such as ever more unnecessary golf courses or industrial estates, or would be most unlikely to be sanctioned on environmental grounds – proper theme parks, for instance. So what do you do with it that might be productive, other than perhaps build houses, which would require endless arguments regarding land re-classification?

While the plan appears to make sense insofar as it would be an appropriate use of land, where it may founder is on economic grounds. The problem with the new agrarianism of Mallorca is finding markets for what, in all likelihood, would not be much greater than cottage industries. The wine industry in Mallorca is something of an indicator of this. While there is reasonable volume created by the bigger and older bodegas, the newer ones are much smaller; they are of a boutique nature. Volume is low, prices are high, export possibilities are limited.

The cautiousness which seems to surround the Capdepera scheme is correct. It is correct because the demand for what might be grown – among tourists – is most unlikely to be huge. Herbs, olives (for oil), vines (for wine), dried fruits. None of it sounds like it will amount to anything substantial. Tourists might buy the odd bottle of wine or oil, but they do so already. The focus on tourists may be strategically flawed.

I have to thank the excellent skybluemallorca.com for the following information regarding Mallorcan olive oil. It says that a mere 2.7% of total sales of oil is local. The rest goes abroad, with Germany being a key market. It is export, not through a tourist’s bottle or two, but through bulk that is far more important. And not just to mature European markets.

I know of a move to export wine and olive oil to Hong Kong. This involves at least one of the main bodegas on the island. Supplying to the Chinese market could only ever be limited because of the constraints on volume in Mallorca, but this bigger thinking in terms of market should surely be more of a model for what might be envisaged in Capdepera and indeed elsewhere in Mallorca. High-quality product, not necessarily cheap but more exclusive, and marketed as such, for newly aspirational consumer markets, such as the Chinese.

There is though a further issue and it is one related to productivity and the use of technology. Advances there most certainly have been, but one of Mallorca’s more important crops, almonds, has suffered because the local industry has lost competitiveness. In the same way as the wine producers of the Napa Valley in California took on the French wine industry by adopting more advanced technology, so California’s almond growers have attacked the indigenous almond industry.

What all this suggests is that, just as there should be a more coherent tourism strategy so there also should be one for agriculture. Back to the future it might be, but there is still much to be said in its favour. With investments in technology and marketing, there might even be a bright future. The fear is that Capdepera would fall into the black hole of simply being too local and too narrow in its focus. It is a lot of a land, but only relatively speaking. But it can be used to good purpose as there is an awful lot of market that can be served – and not just that of Mallorca and its tourists.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

Visiting Hours: Inca hospital and patient information

You’re in hospital. You are suffering all manner of indignities. Pointing Percy at the potty thing and missing. Being woken by the interrogation-like strip lighting at six in the morning in order to take the pill that is delivered in its little plastic cup.

Bad enough. But there is worse to come. Someone from the local council decides to pay you a visit. Nice of them to think of you? Possibly, and they would say that they were. Being nice, that is. The only problem is that they might have some ulterior motive. Or they’ve got hold of your details when they shouldn’t have.

If you happen to be admitted to Inca hospital, then you can count yourself lucky if you don’t actually live in Inca. If you don’t, then the council won’t bother with you. Not that they would ask you where you live. Oh no, because they already know. How? Because they’ve got the gen. Name, address, telephone number, hospital room and some medical detail – the particular care unit and nature of the admission. They pick it up in a sealed envelope left at reception every week or so. Or they did. Ever since the story broke a week or so ago as to what has allegedly been going on with patient information at the hospital, the visits would seem to have stopped. And the foregoing is what is alleged to have been happening.

The apparent breach of data protection at the hospital is being taken seriously enough that the national data protection agency (AEPD – Agencia Española de Protección de Datos) is saying that it will act even if there is no specific “denuncia” forthcoming.

The basics of the case are these. Patient information has allegedly been passed to Inca town hall and specifically to the Partido Popular ruling party. This has then been used as the basis for visits to patients by representatives of the town hall. In a way it could all be innocent enough. Just saying hello, how are you. Being nice, in other words. But the suggestion is that the visits are intended as a bit of an electioneering exercise. Patients not resident in Inca have been ignored.

Since the rumpus kicked off there have been all manner of denials and explanations from the town hall. One reason given for the visits is that they seek to establish if social services help might be required. Fair enough perhaps. But involving social services, be they from Inca or any other town, should surely be the domain of the hospital’s welfare department. Or am I missing something here?

Regardless of the purpose to which the information has been used and regardless of whether the information was asked for or not (and there have been conflicting reports regarding this), the town hall has no right to have the information. Assuming it has ever had it. The town hall is denying that it has patient lists.

One has to consider this case in the context of data protection law in Spain. At the First European Congress on Data Protection that was held in Madrid in March 2006 the then Spanish Minister of Justice, Juan Fernando López Aguilar, said: “The country is a pioneer in fulfilling its commitments to the guarantee and protection of rights and individuals, and in the tools to manage data. In Spain we have not made it easy for dealers in personal data who attempt to violate the law.”

This wasn’t bluster. Spain does take data protection very seriously. You only have to remember your history to understand why Spain, along with Germany and the individual German “Länder”, are among the strictest of adherents to the principle of data protection. So the apparent flouting of this principle is something which the data protection agency is right to take seriously.

The story has taken a number of twists and turns. The town hall, in the person of the former mayor, Pere Rotger, admits that visits have been made for some time. But that lists of patients have never been used. He says that no one has complained; on the contrary, they are thankful for the visit. The current mayor, Rafel Torres, says that town hall representatives, such as the head of health, do make visits and quite openly so. Again without the aid of information. The Partido Popular is challenging the opposition PSOE socialists to prove that its representatives have used information, adding that the PSOE has also made visits to patients.

The town hall is mounting a strong defence. As you would expect, especially as a contravention of the law could land someone in choky. This though would be an over-reaction, if it is proven that the law has indeed been broken. The case smacks of, at worst, naïvity. What seems to have started out with the best of intentions and has probably continued to be so has backfired. But a question remains. Why would patients from other towns be ignored and seemingly knowingly be ignored?

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.

Huntin’, Shootin’, Fishin’: Mallorca and hunting

“Madonna has opened up this world for us now, sweetheart. She’s made it stylish. Re-invented it.”
“So you’re going to kill things because of Madonna.”

The “Absolutely Fabulous” take on huntin’, shootin’ and fishin’. Mallorca’s winter tourism industry is missing a trick by not appealing to the Notting Hill/Holland Park set and shipping them in for a bit of wildlife slaughter. A fine rural hotel, a touch of agrotourism, evenings in the spa and then in the morning out into the Tramuntana range or onto a finca and give some fauna a good seeing-to with a high-powered rifle. If you’re lucky, you might get it served up. Fancy some goat? How about some partridge? Rather plumper than a thrush or a starling.

To the north of Alcúdia old town, in the mountains of La Victoria, the quality of goat is first-rate. It was awarded a certification a couple of years ago. The excellence of the catch, promoted as such, was partly designed to bag an overseas hunter tourist.

Hunting isn’t exactly big when it comes to Mallorcan tourism, but it is pretty big in Spain as a whole. An organisation known as Ibex Hunt Spain (“the taste of professionals”, says its website) can help with the hunting of the Balear goat. It can help in other ways: “you will enjoy hunting our wild animals in a natural and rugged environment … another outstanding feature is our rich and varied gastronomy … we can also offer you a variety of accommodations (sic)”. What did I tell you? A country hotel and you can wolf down the catch. That’s the taste of the professional presumably.

Cue dramatic music. Mountainous terrain. The poignant plucking of a guitar. The sighting of the gun. The falling of the goat. The huntsman with his trophy. This describes a video from Ibex Hunt that you can see on YouTube – “Hunting Balear Goat”. Tasteful and professional. Not, one imagines, that everyone would agree.

Oh dear, the sensibilities of anthropomorphisising homo sapiens. Personally, while I find the stabbing to death of a bull less than completely agreeable, I have no qualms with hunting. No, this isn’t quite accurate. I have no qualms because it’s not something I ever think about. The subject only looms into gun sight once the local hunting seasons get underway. Even then, until the transposition of human attributes onto dumb animals is given an airing by the outraged, it all passes me by, despite the sounds of gun shot that ring out daily from Albufera.

It can all be reconciled by invoking our inner hunter-gatherer. Where the anti-hunting lobby may have a point is the rather less equal contest nowadays. Our forebears lacked a Winchester semi-automatic or a silver-engraved Browning, but rest assured that if the technology had been available, they would have used it. A further difference is that those ancient ancestors would have removed the head and eaten it and taken to wearing the horns rather than mounting the head on the living-room wall, a singularly peculiar thing to do. But if someone wants to, then who am I to say they shouldn’t.

Local hunting falls into two distinct categories. One is for sport, as with the goat, the other is for control. Blasting birds out of the skies or trees does have a reason, such as ensuring that those with animal-centric sensibilities can be guaranteed their olive oil or wine. Birds quite like some of Mallorca’s produce as well, which is one reason for the culls. Wildlife management isn’t only about keeping the wildlife alive, it’s also about killing it.

Mallorca’s hunting tradition is part and parcel of the island’s ruralism. It may not be as strong as it was for the obvious reason that Mallorcan rural life doesn’t exist in the same way that it did before mass tourism. But it’s still very much there. It is celebrated each year at the hunters’ fairs. For example, in 2009 this was in Pollensa, for which they had the Council of Mallorca to thank for stumping up over a hundred grand to stage it. Money well spent no doubt in helping to preserve Mallorca’s alternative tourism as well as the cadre of licensed hunters on the island, of which there are over 25,000. Which sounds like an awful lot.

It isn’t only the animal-rightists who get into a tiz about hunting, there is also the environmental group GOB. It has made the not entirely stupid point that it does seem somewhat contradictory to have reserves where birds flock in, only to go and start taking a pop at them. But you come back to that management, of both flora and fauna. It’s all done in the best interests of nature, so be thankful that Mallorca’s countryside hasn’t been overrun by Barbour-wearing Madonnas or Eddys and Patsys. Yet.

Any comments to andrew@thealcudiaguide.com please.